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Backlashes, Broken Rods and Vegans May Be The Cause Of Global Warming

2/16/2018 11:22:46 AM

Folks I ordinarily shy away from controversial subject but an event last week forced my hand. A client mentioned that he was on the verge of starvation and suggested that we go to one of the restaurants on the lake for a salad. Since we were seven or more miles up the river and there was a hard wind blowing this did not sound like something that I chose to do. Instead I mentioned that I always had an on board supply of Beanie Winnie and some three years old cans of Vienna Sausage. The client responded that he was a vegan and would rather starve than to eat meat in any form. It seemed somewhat baffling that any true angler would not eat beanies or sausage but I acquiesced in the end and after being subjected to a lengthy deseration on the evils of eating meat, I non-the-less set sail for the nearest Rabbit Food establishment. Thee three feet high waves and the pounding we took in getting to the object of his desire gave me ample time to think. Here then are the conclusions that the thirty minutes of pounding instilled in my brain!

Vegans in their holier than thous attitudes never stop too think that they too are killing something when they choose salads over meat. It is many of their contentions that to kill one of God's creatures is savage and unnecessary but they fail to take into account the many tears that are shed by the parents of the lettuce and tomatoes on which they dine. After going over all the rational here are my conclusions. Global warming may or may not be caused by the burning of fossil fuels and the very air exhaled by the billions of folks who call this planet home. But one inescapable fact is that green plants use carbon dioxide and in the process manufacture oxygen. I bet you see where this is going but bare with me and read farther.

Every time a green plant, be it grass, produce, or trees is killed the natural chain of events which purify the air is interrupted. Say what you will but if every green plant on this planet was suddenly eliminated then we as a people would soon cease to exist. That fact, in my humble opinion, is one of the reason that the dinosaurs ceased to exist. Imagine an animal a thousand times bigger than a cow. Now let your imagination run wild and think of millions and millions or the herbivores running amok in the lush forest of that area. For those of you who have never worked around dairy animals or followed a mule with a plow I will assure you that there is often a noxious gasses continually expelled as the animal converts the greenery into food for the body. Given the size and number of dinosaurs that may have existed and the corresponding amount of methane and other hazardous gases that could have been spewed forth it might just be possible that the plant life was killed off and so went the fate of the dinosaurs.

Now I submit an argument to the vegans out there who would give us meat eaters twenty lashes with a cat of nine tails[a vicious whip used in pirate days that had nine tiny steel spikes on each of the of the cords attached to the main body of the whip] or a least shake their head as we tear into a juicy steak or burger. While all may not be as vocal as my client was, they non-the-lest portray a look of disgust on their countenances meant to steer us away from the consumption of meat products.

My English Teacher used to tell me all the time that fore warned is fore armed. You meat eaters can now counter the vegan with the simple truth that you are doing more than they to save the planet. While they chop down trees or munch on rabbit food which is indirectly killing our planet because they are interfering with the natural filtration process you and I are stopping that vicious bovine from munching its way to our demise. We eliminate all the harmful gases from being emitted into the atmosphere and in the process save a plant. That amounts to a lot of plants when one thinks of all the cattle and other animals out there.

So there you have it folks. My new slogan is eat an animal and save the world. That will cover chicken, hogs, cows, etc. The less of those methane spewing animals out there the better for our well being. Vegans unite and have an eat a burger day once a week and in so doing you will be doing your part to insure that our planet survives. By the way, do any of you out there have a need for some three years old Vienna Sausage?

The Cajun Guide/Johnny Procell

P.S. I will not give my phone number because I have very sensitive ears.


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